Total Chef Island
by XXTheCakeIsALieXX
Summary: Chef takes over Camp Wawanakwa and hosts his own reality show! Join the sadistic cook as he tortures 22 new campers in the most brutal competitions you've ever seen! Day one: the campers arrive, and Wawanakwa goes to war!
1. Welcome Home, Sanitarium

**Total Chef Island  
**

**Summary**: Chef takes over Camp Wawanakwa and hosts his own reality show! Join the sadistic cook as he tortures 22 new campers in the most brutal competitions you've ever seen!

**Cannon Note**: This story takes place under the assumption that TDA and the Reunion Special never happened. That means that Justin is still nice, LeShawna and Harold are still together, and everything's pretty much the same as it was at the end of TDI.

**Timeline Note**: Takes place shortly after TDI ended, which if I estimate ended in July (since Chris remarked about the campers being at Wawanakwa for eight weeks, which is roughly two-months).

**Dedication Note**: I dedicate this story to two of the best authors in this section; Winter-Rae and The Kobold Necromancer. You guys are awesome, and I hope one day to join the two of you as a great author.

**Warnings**: This story will contain violence, heavy making-out, evil conspiracies, some sexual themes, language, and Chef. You have been warned!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Camp Wawanakwa or Chef Hatchet. I do own all 22 original characters that will be featured in this story, and anyone who uses them without my permission will suffer a fate more horrible then death, by which I mean Chef's cooking! Mwah ha ha!

Enjoy, my fellow Fanfictionians!

* * *

**Total Chef Island**

**Chapter 1: Welcome Home, Sanitarium**

A familiar face stood on the Dock of Shame, at Camp Wawanakwa. But it wasn't the infamous Chris McLean, oh no. It was Chris's evil minion, Chef Hatchet. He was dressed in his signature outfit, from his white apron to his much-too-small-for-his-big-head chef's hat.

"I do not have a big head!" Chef Hatchet snapped. He muttered something foul under his breath, then glared at the camera. "Hello, pathetic viewers. I'd like to welcome you all to the latest in the Total Drama series; Total Chef Island!" his scowl turned to a grin. "That's right! After living in Pretty Boy McLean's shadow, it's Chef's time to shine, baby!"

There was a scene change, and Chef was standing by the campfire pit. "Here's the deal; the second official season of Total Drama isn't slated to start 'til winter, and the producers needed something to whet the viewing world's appetite for drama and teenagers making out. So I pitched the idea for me to host my own reality show. They liked the idea, and well, here we are!"

Another scene change, and Chef stood by the cabins, which looked as crappy and run-down as they were during TDI. "Twenty-two new victims- er, I mean, _campers_, will be staying here at good ol' Camp Wawanakwa! They'll be forced to deal with horrid living conditions, disgusting camp food - courtesy of myself, hehe - and their annoying fellow campers! It'll work just like last season; two teams of eleven competing in dangerous challenges. The winners get a reward, while the losers send someone home! When we're down to few enough campers, the game becomes a free-for-all. But in the end, only one person will walk away with the grand prize; one-hundred thousand dollars!"

Yet another scene change, and Chef was back on the dock. "Now that that's been said, it's time to introduce the twenty-two campers that will be competing on Total Chef Island!"

A boat pulled up, and a thin teenage boy with a pimply face and a messy red mullet stepped off, carrying a tattered suitcase. He wore tattered blue jeans, worn-out red sneakers, and a t-shirt that sported an intimidating picture of Chuck Norris, with the words "Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people" beneath it.

"Welcome to Total Chef Island, Rusty," Chef greeted, as the boy looked around excitedly. "You enjoying being off the farm for once, kid?"

"Oh, you bet, man!" Rusty replied, speaking with a thick Southern drawl. He grinned, showing off a mouthful of yellow teeth. "I can't believe I'm gonna be on the TV!" he noticed a camera, and grinned wider. "Hey, am I on the TV right now?"

Chef nodded, and Rusty ran up to the camera, practically smashing his face up against the lens. "Hi momma, hi daddy, hi granny, hi Aunt Lil, hi Uncle Fungus, hi Cousin Marty, hi-"

"Get off that camera, you little psycho!" Chef snapped, peeling the redneck boy off the camera. "That thing costs five-hundred bucks!"

Another boat pulled up, delivering a pale-skinned girl carrying two white suitcases. She wore a long-sleeved white shirt, dark blue jeans, and white sneakers. The most eye-catching part of her, however, was her long, emerald-green hair.

"Welcome to camp, Cera," Chef said.

Cera looked around at camp, then at the smirking Chef and waving Rusty, and scowled. "Is this seriously where we're staying?"

"Yep!" Chef grinned at the girl's look of displeasure. "This is your home for the next month!"

The green-haired girl sighed and picked up her suitcases, walking to the end of the dock.

"Hi there," Rusty said with a smile as Cera passed him buy. "My name's Rusty, and I was raised on a farm, do you wanna be my... friend...?" he trailed off when Cera didn't even acknowledge his presence. His smile fell and he looked to Chef. "What's her problem?"

"She's not much of a people person," Chef replied as the next boat pulled up.

"What's up, people?!" a teenage boy asked/screamed as he hopped off the boat, an overstuffed suitcase in hand. He wore a white t-shirt, khaki shorts, black sneakers, and yellow fingerless gloves. Like the last person, the most eye-catching part of this camper was their hair - but unlike Cera's green hair, this boy had a bright pink mohawk. "Shane is in the hizz-ouse!"

He walked up to Rusty and Chef with a smirk. He then noticed Cera sitting on the end of dock and smiled cruelly. "Whoa! What the hell's up with your hair, girl?" he asked, laughing. "You look like a frickin' Chia Pet!"

"**(Bleep!) **you," Cera said calmly, raising a middle finger to Shane, not even bothering to turn her head to look at him. The asshole flinched at this remark.

"Jeez, some people can't take a joke," Shane said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Another boat arrived, and a small-framed girl with a bright red backpack hopped off, grinning excitedly. Her firey-red hair was tied back into a ponytail, and she wore a white t-shirt with a red heart design over the chest, skinny jeans, and red sandals. She took one look at Chef, and her eyes lit up.

"Everyone," Chef said, turning to the other campers. "This is Rika - AUGH!" The burly cook cried out as he was glomped by Rika.

"OMG CHEF!!" Rika squealed, wrapping Chef in a bear hug. "OMG, I LUV YOU CHEF, I'M LIKE YER BIGGEST FAN EVAAAAH!!!"

"I'm... Flattered..." Chef groaned, starting to turn blue from a lack of oxygen. "Now... Could you please - Ack!... GET THE HELL OFF ME?!"

The fangirl flushed in embarrassment and released Chef. The two got back up, and Rika started chatting with Shane and Rusty. Chef glanced at the girl, then looked the nearby camera. "Yo Chris! If you're out there watching this," he pointed at the camera and smirked. "In your face! I told you I had fans out there somewhere!"

The next boat arrived, and a tall teenager arrived, a dark gray backpack slung over his shoulder. He wore a black tuque over his long, blond hair, a gray hoodie, baggy black jeans that were so faded that they were gray, and gray sneakers. With the exception of his tuque, everything about this boy seemed to be gray; even his skin was an ashy pale. His hands shoved deep in his hoodie pockets, the new camper walked up to Chef and the other teens.

"Welcome to Total Chef Island, Jay," Chef said.

"Whatevs," Jay replied with a shrug. He turned and sat down, dangling his legs over the dock.

"This one seems kinda dull," Shane whispered to Chef. "What's his deal?"

"Kid's a stoner," was Chef's reply. Shane's eyes widened slightly, then he smirked.

"So, this dude might have illegal drugs on him?"

"Yep."

"And... You're not gonna bother to search him?"

"Nope."

"Cool. Methinks I've found a new friend."

It was then that the campers heard a strange sound in the distance. It sounded like someone was strumming an electric guitar. Jay perked up.

"Hey, I know that tune," Jay said, looking across the lake, where the music was coming from. "That's Dio's 'Holy Diver', from 1983!"

The next boat came into view, going rather slowly. Standing on the bow was a girl holding a black Gibson Flying V electric guitar that was plugged into an amp at her feet. She wore a dark purple t-shirt (the sleeves ripped off) with a black grinning skull design, black fingerless gloves, skin-tight black jeans, and black boots with dull white spikes on the ankles. Her snow-white hair draped over her shoulders, she began to sing as she played her guitar.

Girl: _"Hmm-Hmmmm!  
Yeah, Yeah!_

_Holy diver,  
You've been down too long in the midnight sea.  
Oh, what's becoming of me?_

_Ride the tiger,  
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean.  
Oh, don't you see what I mean?_

_Gotta get away,  
Holy Diveeee-eeee-eeee-eeeer! Yeah!  
Yeah!_

_Shiny diamonds,  
Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue.  
Something is coming for you - look out!_

_Race for the morning,  
You can hide in the sun 'till you see the light.  
Oh, we will pray it's alright._

_Gotta get away, get awaaa-aaay!_

_Between the velvet lies,  
There's a truth that's hard as steel!  
The vision never dies,  
Life's a never-ending wheel - yeah!_

_Holy diver,  
You're the star of the masquerade.  
No need to look so afraid!_

_Jump, jump!  
Jump on the tiger,  
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean.  
Some light can never be seen - yeah!"_

The singing stopped, and the girl played a short, yet rocking solo. By now, everyone on the dock is watching and listening. When the solo ended, the girl started singing again.

Girl:_ "__Holy diver,  
You've been down too long in the midnight sea.  
Oh, what's becoming of me?_

_Ride the tiger,  
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean.  
Oh, don't you see what I mean?_

_Gotta get away, get awaaa-aaay!  
Gotta get away, get awaaa-aaay - yeah!_

_Holy diver, sole survivor,  
Your heart is clean!  
Yeah holy diver!  
Holy Diver!_

_You're caught in the middle, coming after you, holy diver!_

_Oh, holy diver!  
Get away, get away, get away - come on!"  
_

The song ended as the boat pulled up to the dock. The girl stepped off, her guitar and amp in one hand and a suitcase in the other. Rusty, Shane, and Jay were cheering, Rika was jumping up and down, clapping and squealing louder than Katie and Sadie combined, and Cera gave her a polite golf clap.

"Nice entrance, Casey," Chef remarked, a bemused smirk on his face.

"Thanks, Chef," Casey said, setting her bag and instrument down.

The next boat delivered a boy that looked like he just stepped out of an _Ambercrombie & Fitch_ catalog. His short blond hair was slicked back, and his muscles bulged from beneath his black t-shirt and blue jeans.

"This is Victor, everyone," Chef said. The new camper layed eyes on Casey and grinned, his white teeth sparkling in the sunlight.

"He-llo!" He said, his voice thick with a German accent. He dropped his bags and swaggered over to the white-haired rocker, flexing his muscles. "Hey, pretty lady. You und I can make beautiful music together." Casey looked disgusted.

"Step off, creep," she snapped, crossing her arms and turning away. "You _so _aren't my type."

A confused look crossed Victor's face. "Hmm, playing hard-to-get, eh?" he rubbed his large chin in thought. "This will require a different approach."

He stepped in front of Casey and ripped his shirt off, revealing his enormous pecs and rock-hard, six-pack abs. "Wanna see what I can do with mein pecs?" and with that, his pecs started moving up and down rhythmically.

**Thwack!**

Casey socked Victor in the face, knocking him into the water. The beefcake pulled himself back onto the dock and grinned. "Oh yeah," he rubbed the red spot on his cheek. "She wants me."

The next camper to arrive had wore a red baseball cap over short red hair, a purple backpack, a zipped-up green jacket, baggy blue jeans, and red skater shoes.

"Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa, Frankie," Chef said, shaking the new arrival's hand. Frankie looked around at the other contestants, and then noticed Victor.

"Hello, handsome," Frankie said with a sly grin, slinking up close to him. "You wanna go somewhere?"

Victor looked freaked out, then slowly backed up. "Er, I'm flattered," he said, holding up his hands as if to protect himself. "But I don't swing that way, dude."

The redhead looked insulted at this remark. "I'm a girl, genius!"

Victor's look changed from freaked to confused. Frankie sighed and unzipped the jacket, revealing her ample bosom, covered by a red t-shirt with a baseball design. "Oh," was all Victor could say. He then noticed how pissed off Frankie looked, and shrunk back in fear. "Err, my bad?"

**Thwack!**

"Oooooh," Victor groaned as Frankie removed her fist from his crotch. The beefcake doubled over as Frankie walked off, exchanging a high-five with Casey.

"Smooth," Shane said tauntingly to Victor.

The next boat carried not one, but two campers; two twin boys, to be exact. They were both the same height, had the same short brown hair, wore the same white jackets, khaki pants, and blue sneakers. They had the same blue suitcases, and even had the same stance; arms crossed with a confident smirk. The only different about them was that one wore a green t-shirt under his jacket, and the other wore purple.

"Hello, Total Chef Island," the green shirted twin said as the two walked down the dock. "I am Indiana, and this is my brother, Eric."

"I am Eric!" the purple shirted Eric said, his smirk turning to a scowl. Another difference, the campers noticed, was their tones. Indiana spoke slowly and calmly, while Eric spoke quickley and sounded angry.

"Bow your heads before us, for we shall be the winners of Total Chef Island, and claim that fabulous cash prize."

"Do it or I'll bow 'em for you!" Eric punched his palm to get his point across. He noticed Victor, still doubled-over in pain, and smirked again. "You see? Musclehead here has the right idea!"

"Jeez," Jay whispered to Shane. "Can you say 'arrogant'?"

The next camper was a girl of Japanese persuasion, carrying a skateboard and a yellow backpack. She wore a black tank top, yellow pants with a single red stripe running down the left pant leg, and black shoes. She smiled as her boat approached the dock, stroking the tribal tattoos that covered her biceps.

When her boat was close enough to the dock, she dropped her skateboard and hopped on it. As the boat passed, she ollied off the boat, did a double-kickflip, and landed safely on the dock.

"Sick double-kickflip," Frankie said, sharing a high-five with the new girl.

"Thanks," she replied with a smile. "I'm Faith, by the way.

"I'm Frankie."

"AND I'M RIKA!" Rika squealed, glomping Faith. "OMG, YER TATTOO'S ARE AWESUM! I'VE GOT A TATTOO OF CHEF ON MY BACK, WANNA SEE?!?!"

"You have a tattoo of me on your back?" Chef asked, now slightly disturbed. Rika nodded fervently, and pulled up the back of her shirt, revealing an intimidating tattoo of a scowling Chef. The cook's look evolved from slightly disturbed to _very _disturbed. "Okaaaay... Maybe inviting one of my crazy fangirls to the island _wasn't _such a good idea..."

Romantic music filled the air as the next boat pulled up. The camper that stepped off this boat caught the attention of all of the girls, and even a couple guys. He wore a gray, button-up shirt, reddish-brown pants, black shoes, and carried a red leather suitcase. The sun reflected off his beautifully bronzed skin, and his shirt was unbuttoned, showing off his well-sculpted abs.

"Welcome to Wawanakwa, Donny," Chef greeted, shaking Donny's hand. "Think you'll like it here, kid?" Donny noticed the ladies staring at him, and grinned.

"Oh, I think I'll be just fine," he said, his voice tinted with a Spanish accent. He flipped his short brown hair, and all the girls swooned. It was then that Victor stomped up to Donny, shooting the shorter boy a glare.

"Back off, pretty boy," Victor snapped, shoving the Spanish-Canadian. "I vas here first!"

"I don't think so, jackass!" Donny sneered, returning the glare. "I know your type; a cocky musclehead that thinks women are no more then objects to ogled!"

"Zat is not true! I have nothing be ze utmost respect for women. And I'll have you know zat ze only body I ogle is mein own!"

"Oh, yeah right! You're nothing but an arrogant ass!"

"Well, at least I'm buff! You're nothing but a shrimp. The women love a buff man like me!"

"Are you kidding?! You look disgusting! You're like Lou Ferigno, only uglier!"

Victor grabbed Donny's shirt collar. "You take zat back!"

"Make me!"

"Oh my," a sweet voice declared. "What's with all the fighting?"

Everyone turned to see that the next camper, another girl, had arrived. Now, it was the guys' turn to stare. Rusty found himself staring at her long, ivory legs and short red skirt. Jay couldn't take his eyes off her ruby belly button piercing. Donny was fixated on her long black hair and purple eyes. Victor, Shane, Indiana, and Eric were all leering at her... Erm, large chest, covered by a red halter top.

She giggled and placed her hands on her hips. "See anything you like, boys?"

"Hummina hummina hummina hummina..." was all the guys could say. The new girl giggled again.

"Well, don't worry," she picked up her red bag and walked past the guys, flaunting her stuff. "There's plenty of Charlotte to go around." She winked at them, making all the guys swoon. The girls rolled their eyes at this.

"Well, now we know who's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," Frankie whispered to Casey, who nodded in agreement.

The next person also caught everyone's attention, but for an entirely different reason then Donny and Charlotte. For the most part, he looked like your average African-Canadian; a long-sleeved gray shirt with brown horizontal stripes, khaki pants, and white sneakers, carrying a black suitcase. What caught everyone's attention was the creepy white hockey mask he wore over his face.

"Xavier," Chef greeted.

"Chef," Xavier greeted back, taking a spot on the dock. He noticed the others staring at him, and looked confused (though you couldn't see it beneath the mask). "What?"

"Dude," Shane finally said. "What the hell?"

"What, the mask?" Xavier shrugged. "I like horror movies, no big deal."

"Huh, a black horror movie lover. Kinda ironic, considering the brother or sister never survives a horror movie."

Now the horror buff was offended. "Hey! They don't _always _die!"

"Oh, please! Name _one _horror movie," the asshole held up one finger for emphasis. "Where the black guy or gal survived until the end credits."

"LL Cool J survived _Deep Blue Sea_."

"Okay, one; that was more of a thriller movie then horror. Two; he only survived after he got his frickin' leg bitten off. And three; Samuel L. Jackson still got his ass munched."

"I thought that was Morgan Freeman?" Eric interjected.

"No, he was in _The Shawshank Redemption_," Casey explained.

"OMG, WILL SMITH IS SUCH A HUNK!" Rika squealed with lovestruck swoon. The others stared at her.

"Where did _that _come from?" Indiana asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Uum..." Rika giggled and shrug. "Iduno. But he is!"

"No argument there," another new camper added as she stepped off the boat, towing a large trunk. She wore a blue t-shirt, black jeans, blue boots, light blue silk gloves, a dark blue cape, and a blue silk top hat over her short brown hair.

"This is Trucy," Chef said, shaking her hand. The others looked at her strangely.

"And what the hell are you suppose to be?" Shane asked rather rudely.

"I'm a magician," Trucy said with a smile.

"Oh, wow!" Shane said with a saccharine smile, the sarcasm heavy in his voice. "A magician, that's awesome! Hey, here's an idea; why don't you make yourself disappear? Hahaha!"

The brunette magician scowled at Shane's taunts. "I can't make myself disappear, but I can do this," she removed her hat and held it out so the others could see inside of it; it looked like a regular old hat. "Nothing up my hat..." she held it over Shane's head. "Abracadabra..." she tapped the top with her other hand.

**Blat blat blat blat blat!**

Several chicken eggs fell out of her hat, splattering all over Shane's head. The others burst out laughing as Trucy smirked and put her hat back on. "Alakazam, asshole."

Shane muttered something foul under his breath and began to wipe the gunk off his face as the next boat pulled up. A short, chubby boy jumped off, carrying a brown backpack and grinning excitedly. He wore a green hoodie, brown shorts, green sneakers, and an orange bandanna.

"Oh, wow!" he said, looking around. He threw his arms up as if to celebrate his arrival. "I can't believe I'm actually on Total Drama Island!"

"That's Total _Chef _Island_,_ Mikey!" Chef corrected him with a scowl. Mikey smiled politely and approached the larger man.

"Right, Total Chef Island, my mistake," Mikey extended a hand for a shake. "It's good to meet you, Chef Hatchet."

Chef smiled and connected his hand with Mikey's. The sound of electricity buzzing was heard, followed by Chef's warbling scream. Mikey started laughing hysterically and pulled his hand away. Chef collapsed in a crumbled heap, and Mikey held up his hand to show the others; a shock buzzer rested in his palm.

"The joy buzzer," Mikey cackled. "Oldest prank in the book! Haha - ACK!" he gasped when a pair of hands wrapped around his throat.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-!!" Rika snapped, strangling Mikey in a way that reminded the others of the way Homer Simpson strangles his son Bart on an episodic basis. "HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BELOVED CHEF, YOU TWISTED **(Bleep!)**?!?!"

Casey and Frankie rushed over and tried to pull Rika off the prankster. They failed to notice another boat speeding towards the dock, going much faster then the other boats. The boat swerved to avoid hitting the dock, and a girl was thrown off the bow and went flying, smashing into the four of them.

"Whoo!" she cheered, popping up from the crumbled pile of teenagers. The new girl was very tall, had a red backpack slung over her shoulder, and her brown hair was tied back into a ponytail. She wore a brown work shirt with oil stains on it, dark brown slacks with oil stains on them, and white sneakers with (you guessed it) oil stains on them. She threw her arms up and cheered. "That was awesome! Did you see how fast I went?!"

Chef, who had recovered from his shock, stared at the boat as it sped away, then turned to the new girl. "Hey Christine, what the hell happened back there?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. "Those boats shouldn't be able to go that fast."

Christine chuckled and rubbed the back of her head. "Uum, I may have tinkered with the engine... A little bit. Hehe..." Behind her, the others groaned as they pulled themselves up, Rika still glaring at Mikey.

Chef rolled his eyes as the next camper walked off his boat, carry a large brown backpack. "Hey everyone, it's Quincey!"

Quincey had short black hair, and wore a gray hunting jacket, cameo-colored pants, and brown boots. The eyes behind his thin glasses were like the eyes of a hawk, cold and piercing. Those eyes took in his surroundings, and he frowned. "_This _is where we're staying?"

"That's right!"

Quincey sighed and joined the other campers. "Well, at least I'll get to put my survival skills to the test in this dump."

Another girl arrived, one with a dress pattern similar to Jay. But rather then gray, hers was pink. Pink tank top, long pink skirt, pink sandals, pink headband, several large, pink bags behind her - hell, even her eyes were a faded violet, making them look pink.

"What the hell is this?!" she demanded, stomping up to Chef. "I was told that I would be staying at a five-star resort with a day spa, servants waiting on me night and day, and five-star dining!"

Chef laughed at the girl's anger. "Yeah, I lied," he said with a smirk. "Sorry, Kelly. You're stuck at Camp Wawanakwa for the next month! No resort, no servants, and as for the dining..." he chuckled maniacally. "Well, you'll see."

Kelly suppressed a scream and started to grab her bags. "Great, just great! Stuck on this crappy island for a month with a bunch of carnival side-show rejects!"

"Hey!" the other campers snapped.

The next camper to arrive was a tall, skinny boy, carrying a very large trunk. He had short, blue hair, wore a yellow t-shirt with a single red stripe running across it, light blue trousers, and large red sneakers.

"Welcome, Rolf," Chef said. "How are you liking Canada so far?"

"Well, Rolf still misses the old country," Rolf admitted. He had a distinct European accent, but none of the campers could figure out what area of Europe. "But Rolf is enjoying living in this new land. Oh, and uh... Rolf hopes you don't mind, but Rolf brought some... Animal friends with him to camp."

"Not at all!" Chef said with a grin.

"Wait, animals?" Kelly asked, looking even less happy. "What do you mean, 'animals'?"

Rolf turned back to the boat, placed two fingers in his mouth, and whistled sharply. Several farm animals came trotting off the boat; one cow, one goat, three pigs, and eight chickens.

"Gah!" Kelly let out a high-pitched scream as animals walked past her. "What the hell, Chef?!"

"Well, this island's already got a bunch of animals," Chef said with a shrug. "I figured a few more wouldn't hurt."

"I think it's kinda cool," Rusty said, petting the cow. "Heck, if I'd known I could bring animals, I would've asked daddy if I could take some of our farm animals."

"Are you kidding?!" Kelly snapped, swatting animals away. "This **(bleep)**ing sucks! I'm already stuck here with you losers, I don't wanna these filthy animals here too!" A chicken climbed on top of her head and started pecking her forehead. "Ow ow ow! Get off me, you rat with wings!"

"That is Kimi's way of saying that she likes you," Rolf said with a good-natured smile, as Kimi continued to peck at Kelly. "Want to see her way of saying that she has to use the bathroom?"

"No! Get it off me!!"

Casey chuckled and petted the goat. "I like these guys already."

The next boat delivered an African-Canadian girl, wearing round, black glasses, a white lab coat, purple latex gloves, black pants, and black boots. She carried two large suitcases, and her black hair was tied up into pigtails.

"Salutations, everyone," she said, smiling. "I'm Kayla, scientist. It's a pleasure to meet you.

"Ugh, just what we need," Kelly groaned, finally knocking Kimi off her head. "Another four-eyed nerd!"

Rolf's goat came up behind her and knocked her into the water. Casey cackled and patted the goat's head. "Good job, uh..."

"Tony," Rolf told her.

"Tony, right."

As the final boat approached, Chef turned to the campers. "Okay people," he said. "The last camper is Morgan. Now, I feel I should warn you; whatever you do, don't make fun of her... Er, size."

"Size?" Jay questioned. "What do you mean?"

"Well..."

"What's up, people?" Morgan asked as she stepped off the boat, carrying a blue duffel bag. She wore a blue t-shirt, blue jeans, and black white sneakers. She had short, blond hair, and a serious face. What caught everyone's attention was the fact that she was... Well, in better terms, she was a little person, standing only three feet tall.

"Bwahahahah!" Shane burst out laughing, clutching his stomach. "Oh, un-frickin'-believable! A midget?! Chef man, you had dozens of people to choose from, and you picked a midget?! Hahaha-"

Shane's laughter came to an abrupt end when Morgan's hand shot out, putting his balls in a vise grip. Shane let out a high pitched scream of pain, and Morgan released his testicles. The asshole collapsed, clutching his nether regions.

"Anyone else wanna make fun of my height?!" Morgan snapped, holding out and clenching the hand that had just crushed Shane's privates. Everyone else, even the farm animals, fervently shook their heads no. "Good!"

"Alrighty then," Chef said, producing a camera. He hopped onto the last boat and turned to face the dock. "We're gonna need a group photo for the promos, so everyone, gather 'round! You too, Cera!"

The campers all gathered at the edge of the dock. In the front row sat Rolf (his animals gathered around him), Rusty, Cera, Morgan, Xavier, Indiana, and Eric. In the middle row stood Rika, Trucy, Frankie, Faith, Kelly, Donny, Mikey, Charlotte, Casey, and Jay. Standing in back were Shane, Victor, Christine, Kayla, and Quincey.

"Okay," Chef held the camera up to his eye and put his finger on the button. "Everyone say, 'Chef Hatchet is awesome'!"

"CHEF HATCHET IS AWESUM!!" Rika squealed happily. _Only _Rika. Chef groaned.

"Okay, fine! Everyone say 'Wawanakwa'!"

"Wawanakwa!" The campers said, smiling (well, most of them, anyways).

**Snap!**

The second after Chef took the picture, the dock broke, sending all the campers (and animals) into the water. Chef cackled. "Oh man, I can't believe you guys fell for that! Didn't any of you see the first season?! Haha!"

"Well, this is gonna be a fun month," Cera groaned, floating on the water.

"I know, right?!" Rusty asked happily, splashing Victor and Donny.

"Alright, campers," Chef said as the boat pulled up to the island, dropping him off on dry land. "Get dried off and meet me at the campfire pit so we can discuss the season!"

**To Be Continued...**

**

* * *

**And the first chapter of Total Chef Island is completed! I'm really proud of how it turned out! And the fact that I got it up before school started!

So, what did you guys think of the story? How about all those OCs? Oh, if they remind you of someone, that's 'cause they probably do. With each character, I was inspired by a character or person that already exists. I'll be posting their profiles in my profile moderately soon. In case you need a cheat sheet, the contestants of TCI are...

**Shane** the** asshole, Rusty **the** redneck, Cera** the** loner, Rika **the** fangirl, Jay **the** stoner, Casey **the **rocker, Victor **the** beefcake, Frankie **the** tomboy, Indiana **and** Eric** the **trouble making twins, Faith** the** daredevil, Donny **the **romantic, Charlotte **the **femme fatale, Xavier **the **horror buff, Trucy **the** magician, Mikey **the** prankster, Christine **the** machine buff, Quincey** the** survivalist, Kelly **the** spoiled brat, Kayla** the** scientist, Morgan **the** little person, **and** Rolf **the** foreign kid**.

The next chapter will hopefully be up soon! Read and review!


	2. Call of Duty

**Total Chef Island  
**

**Summary**: Chef takes over Camp Wawanakwa and hosts his own reality show! Day one: the campers arrive, and Wawanakwa goes to war!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Camp Wawanakwa or Chef Hatchet. I do own all 22 original characters that will be featured in this story, and anyone who uses them without my permission will suffer a fate more horrible then death, by which I mean Chef's cooking! Mwah ha ha!

Wow! I got two whole reviews! :D I feel so loved! Maybe I'll get more with this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

**Total Chef Island**

**Chapter 2: Call of Duty**

After the campers had all dried off, they sat down on the stumps by the campfire pit. Chef stood behind the podium on the opposite side of the pit.

"Campers," Chef said to the twenty-two teens. "I'd like to welcome you all to Total Chef Island! Over the next month, you'll all be competing in some of the craziest challenges you've ever seen. I'm not gonna lie - these challenges will be brutal. In fact, there's a chance that some of you won't survive!"

The campers looked nervous at this statement. Chef noticed their looks and grinned. "Nah, I'm just kidding, none of you are gonna die."

The campers all looked relieved. "At the very most, you'll be horribly maimed."

He picked up a clipboard. "Now then, when I call your name, come stand on my right side here... Rusty!"

"Whoo," the redneck cheered, running up next to Chef.

"... Kayla!"

The scientist smiled and took a spot next to Rusty.

"... Kelly!"

The spoiled brat grumbled and stood with Kayla and Rusty, though she stood as far away as possible.

"... Cera!"

The loner sighed and stood by Chef. Rusty and Kayla smiled at her, but she turned away.

"... Shane!"

"Booyah," the asshole said, standing between Rusty and Kayla.

"... Rolf!"

The foriegn kid nodded and stood with the others, his loyal animals close buy. Kimi the chicken went up to Kelly and started pecking at her feet, much to her annoyance.

"... Casey!"

The rocker joined the others, casually strumming her guitar. Tony the goat snuggled up to her.

"... Rika!"

"YAY!!" the fangirl squealed, standing as close to Chef as possible. The cook shoved her away and read the next name.

"... Victor!"

"Sweet," the beefcake said, strutting over to his teammates. He grinned at Casey, who made a 'gag me' pantomime.

"... Mikey!"

The prankset grinned and ran up to join his teammates. Rika growled at him, and he shrunk back in fear.

"... And Trucy!"

The magician smiled and stood with the group, shooting Shane a brief glare. Chef produced a rolled-up red banner and tossed it. Mikey caught it.

"From now on, you eleven will be known as..." Mikey unrolled the banner. In the center was a yellow circle, which held the silhouette of a red, intimidating beaver. "The Screaming Beavers!"

"Yes!" Mikey cheered. "That is awesome!"

"Hehehe," Shane chuckled, a perverse grin on his face. "Beaver. Hehehe-"

Trucy slapped him upside the head. "Pervert," she sneered.

"The rest of you," Chef said to the remaining eleven campers. "Come stand on my left side! Quincey!"

The survivalist walked up to Chef's left side and adjusted his glasses.

"... Frankie!"

The tomboy stood next to Quincey. She offered him a high five, but he just scowled.

"... Faith!"

The daredevil joined the first two, and she was kind enough to return Frankie's offer for a high five.

"... Indiana and Eric!"

The twins shared a smirk and joined the others.

"... Charlotte!"

The femme fatale gave a wink to the boys as she joined the others. The guys swooned, and the girls rolled their eyes.

"... Donny!"

The romantic gave a wink to the girls as he joined the others. The gals swooned, and only Victor rolled his eyes.

"... Morgan!"

The little person stood in the front of the group.

"... Christine!"

The machine buff stood with her teammates.

"... Xavier!"

The horror buff stood buy the others. He didn't notice the people he stood buy slowly back away from him.

"... and Jay!"

The stoner shrugged and joined his fellow campers. Chef produced a rolled-up green banner and tossed it. Frankie caught it.

"From now on, the eleven of you are..." Frankie unrolled the banner. In the center was a yellow circle, which held the silhouette of a green, mean-looking fish. "... The Killer Trout!"

"Isn't that the Killer Bass logo from last season?" Quincey asked, pointing to the logo on the banner. Aside from the color, it _did _bear a striking resemblance to the Bass logo.

"Since we only have a month before you punks go back to school," Chef continued, completely ignoring Quincey's question. "Every day, we'll have a challenge where you two teams will be competing against each other."

"You can keep us here into the school year," Shane quickley said.

"Yeah, we don't mind," Mikey added.

Chef rolled his eyes. "Nice try. The winners of each challenge will receive a prize. The losers will be sending one of their own down the Dock of Shame to catch the Boat of Losers, and leave Total Chef Island... Forever!"

He turned towards the two cabins. "The Killer Trout will be staying in the east cabins, and the Beavers are in the west. Girls get the left side of each cabin, and guys get the other. You all have a half hour to unpack, after which you will report to the mess hall for lunch, followed by your first challenge!"

* * *

**Confessional Cam - If Chef is the host, is Chris the cook?**

**Chef**: If you want to confess anything to the world, just use the Confessional Cam here.

**Cera**: (looks at the camera with a deadpan stare) So far... this sucks.

**Rusty**: A confessional outhouse?! Cool! (he takes a long sniff, then sighs happily) Reminds me of home!

**Morgan**: (only the top of her head is visible at first. She has to climb onto the seat to be fully visible) This contest is mine! I'm gonna show the world just what a little person can do! Those guys on TLC ain't got nothing on me!

**Mikey**: (he is placing a whoopee cushion on the toilet seat, snickering) This is gonna be good!

**Kelly**: (she sits down, and a loud farting sound is heard. She turns red with embarrassment, then notices the whoopee cushion. She turns more red, but this time it's rage red) Dammit, Mikey!!

* * *

**Screaming Beaver cabin, boy's side...**

"Dammit, Rolf," Shane screamed, swatting Tony away. The goat had tried to eat his shirt. "Will you get these frickin' animals out of here?!"

"No way," was Rolf's reply as he unpacked his clothes. "They're not hurting anyone! Besides, Rolf's animals have to sleep with him when we go someplace new, or else they'll get nervous."

"I don't give a damn!" Shane swatted one of the chickens off his bed. He turned to the other Beaver boys. "Guys, help me out here!"

"I don't mind," Rusty said, petting the cow.

"Me neither," Mikey said, letting the chickens play with his own rubber chicken. "They're kind of cute."

"Und useful," Victor said, lifting the pigs up as though the were dumbbells. "Zey're like mobile workout equipment!"

"Oink oink!" one of the pigs said as it was lifted up.

Shane groaned, stomping out of the cabin.

* * *

**Confessional Cam - We hope Chef doesn't try to cook Rolf's animals.**

**Shane**: Great, I'm gonna be sleeping with a bunch of animals! (he sighs) Now I know what Paris Hilton feels like on a daily basis. (he grins) Zing!

**Pig**: (oinking with English subtitles) That guy with the bulgy arms has sweaty palms.

* * *

**Screaming Beaver cabin, girl's side...**

"And I don't want any of your freak stuff touching my stuff," Kelly snapped at Cera, Casey, Kayla and Trucy as they unpacked. "Got it?!"

"Fine, whatever," Kayla said, trying to ignore the spoiled brat.

"Not gonna be a problem," Casey said, also trying to ignore Kelly.

"Hmph," Cera simply grunted in response.

"Fine," Trucy sneered, trying to do the same as Casey and Kayla. It wasn't working as well for her, however, as she was getting very angry very quickley. "Anything _else_, your highness?"

"Just stay away from me and don't talk to me, and we won't have any problems," Kelly said, crossing her arms. Rika walked in, saw her roommates, and grinned.

"YAY!!" she squealed, wrapping her teammates in a bear hug. "OMG, I HAF THE BESTEST ROOMMATES EVAH!! WE CAN STAY UP LATE AND GIVE EACH OTHER MAKEOVERS AND SHARE SECRETS AND PLAY BOARD GAMES AND BLAH BLAH BLAH...!"

* * *

**Confessional Cam - We should totally crash that sleepover.**

**Kelly**: (she groans and picks some gunk out of her ears) That psycho went on and on for ten minutes! Ugh, why did I get stuck with a bunch of freaks?!

**Trucy**: Kelly pisses me off to no end! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's jackasses like her and that Shane dude.

* * *

**Killer Trout cabin, boy's side...**

Quincey, Xavier, and Donny opened the door to their side of the cabin and were immediately blinded by a cloud of smoke. Jay, Indiana, and Eric were already inside, each one sitting on their beds, holding a joint. It was painfully obvious that they were high.

"H-hey," Eric said, chuckling stupidly. He raised a shaky finger and pointed to Xavier. "Look, it's uh... Uh... Uuuuum... Micheal Myers! Hahaha!"

"Watch out that he doesn't go into your dreams and kill you with his chainsaw," Indiana added, sounding just as stupid as his brother. He threw his head back and laughed loudly. But he did it too hard and fell back onto his bed. "Whoa man, I'm toasted..."

"Mmm..." Jay said, drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth. "Toast..."

* * *

**Confessional Cam - It's like Jay and Silent Bob meets Cheech and Chong... Wow, that would be an AWESOME crossover!**

**Quincey**: (sarcastically) Great. I'm sharing a room with Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. Donny's not so bad, but that Xavier dude gives me the creeps. (he sighs) Maybe I should just take my blanket and sleep out in the woods.

**Donny**: (he coughs some smoke out of his mouth) I wonder if the Screaming Beaver guys would mind if I stayed over in their cabin?

**Xavier**: Note to self; when those guys are sober, explain to Indiana and Eric all the things that were wrong with their statements.

* * *

**Killer Trout cabin, girl's side...**

"I call top bunk!" Frankie said, tossing her backpack onto a top bunk.

"Me too," Faith said, dropping her skateboard and climbing onto another top bunk. She noticed Christine unpacking a skateboard, and arched an eyebrow. "You skate?"

"Not me," the machine buff replied. "My brother does, though. I'm working on building a sick off-road skateboard."

"Off-road skateboard?" Faith and Frankie asked in unison, both of them now interested.

"That's right," she pulled out four rubber wheels, slightly larger then skateboard wheels. She sighed. "Of course, it hasn't been going so well. I tried going down a hill, and I fell flat on my face."

"Did you add breaks?" Faith asked.

"Huh?"

"When you're dealing with an off-road board, you've gotta have breaks. You can reach some pretty high speeds going down those hills."

"Really? I never thought of tha-"

"Hi guys!" Charlotte said, interrupting their conversation. She walked into the cabin, unaware that Faith's discarded skateboard was lying on the floor in front of her. "What's everyone talking abo-" she stepped on the board and slipped forward, falling flat on her face. The board slipped out from beneath her and went flying backwards, and hit the approaching Morgan in the face.

Frankie, Faith, and Christine watched the scene unfold, then burst out laughing.

* * *

**Confessional Cam - Wawanakwa's funniest home videos.**

**Charlotte**: (is holding a tissue to her bloody nose) Not funny, guys. Why'd I have to share a cabin with a couple of tomboys?

**Morgan**: (is holding an ice-pack to her black eye) You think this hurts?! Ha! No skateboard to the face is gonna stop Morgan! I'm like a diamond; small and pretty to look at, but tough as nails! (she punches the outhouse wall)

* * *

After the campers had all unpacked, they gathered in the mess hall for lunch. The campers had heard stories of Chef's vomit inducing, slightly sentient food, but they all figured that it couldn't be that bad, right?

And it wasn't. It was _worse_. Far, far worse. The teen stared incredulously at the brown and gray slop that was placed on their trays, wondering if what they were looking at was even food at all.

"I am _not _eating this crap!" Kelly snapped, slamming her tray down on the floor.

"Me neither," Christine groaned, poking the slop with her fork. It jiggled like jello. "This looks like something you scooped out of the septic tank."

Mikey stared at his for a minute, then gagged. "I think mine just blinked at me," he groaned, pushing it away.

Donny and Jay (now sober) stared at Quincey as he ate the slop without the slightest hint of disgust. Quincey noticed their stares. "I've been out in the woods for weeks," he explained. "Living only of dirty stream water and dead squirrels. I can handle anything." he continued to eat, then suddenly stopped. He let out a sick burp and turned green. "I - urp! May have spoke to soon..."

"You don't _have _to eat what I give you," Chef said with a shrug and his usual sadistic grin. "But it's the only food you're gonna get, so choose carefully."

"Hmm," Cera muttered, holding up her hands like they were scale pans. "Eat Chef's food or starve to death..." she noticed Rusty trying to poke his food with a fork. She stared at the slop as it squeaked and scurried away. "So far, I'm like the starving option..."

"Methinks that Chef keeps the good food back in the kitchen," Indiana whispered to his brother, pointing to the kitchen door. Eric grinned.

"Indiana, I know what we're gonna do today," he whispered back, not taking his eyes off the door.

"Alright, maggots," Chef announced. "Hurry up and finish eating, 'cause your first challenge starts right after lunch!"

* * *

After the teens had forced down their food, Chef led them on a hike through the woods. He wouldn't tell them where they were going, which frustrated a few people.

"Hey Chef," Shane snapped, pushing some branches out of his way. "You gonna tell us where we're going or what?!"

"DO NOT QUESTION CHEF'S WISDOM!" Rika snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Shane.

"My feet hurt," Kelly whined.

"I think I stepped in poison Ivy," Victor groaned, scratching his ankle.

"Will you kids stop your complaining?!" Chef bellowed, pushing his way past some thick bushes. "It's right through here."

The campers pushed through the bushes and found themselves staring at what seemed to be a collection of ruined buildings. Placed along the stone streets were rusty old cars and other vehicles. It looked like a war zone.

"Welcome to the Battleground," Chef said, sweeping his arm to the buildings. "The sight of your first challenge, which I call 'Call of Duty: Wawanakwa at War!"

Chef walked over to a cardboard box, opened it, and pulled out a blue paintball gun. "For this challenge, you're going to go out into the Battleground and basically shoot the crap out of each other," he pulled the trigger, shooting the wall of one building. It splattered with blue paint.

"At both ends of the Battleground is a special building; one painted red, the other green. These will be your bases. The Beavers will start out in the eastern red building, and the Trout will start in the western green building. Inside each base, you'll find eleven paintball guns, helmets, and goggles. The Beavers get red equipment and paint, and the Trout get green."

He dropped the paintball gun and walked over to the box again. "Oh, and when you're out in the field, you might wanna take the time to look around. I've hidden some paint refills for your guns and... Five special weapons."

He pulled out a larger paintball gun. "A paint shotgun. Doesn't have much ammo and is slow, but it's powerful," he shot at the wall. It made a bigger splash then the regular gun.

He dropped the paint shotgun and pulled out a smaller paintball gun. "A paint sub-machine gun, or as I like to call it, the Wawanakwa Typewriter. It isn't powerful, but it's fast with a ton of ammo," he multiple shots at the wall, writing his name in paint.

He dropped it and pulled out yet another gun. This one was roughly the same size as the regular gun, but it had a scope and the barrel was longer. "The paint rifle. Great for long distance shots."

Rather then shooting the wall again, Chef aimed and fired into a nearby tree. Less then a second later, a squirrel fell to the ground, it's belly covered in paint. It stood up and chattered angrily at Chef, shaking it's tiny fist at him.

Chef dropped the paint rifle, but rather then pulling another gun out of the box, he pulled out what looked to be a blue grenade. "Paint grenades, which are pretty self explanatory," he pulled the pin out and threw it at the wall. It exploded, coating the wall with paint. The campers waited for him to produce the final weapon, but Chef did nothing.

"Well?" Mikey asked.

"Well what?" was Chef's reply.

"You mentioned five weapons. You only showed us four."

The cook cackled. "I think I'll let you guys figure out that fifth weapon yourselves. Right now, you all have to report to your bases. You have ten minutes to suit up and figure out a strategy. When I declare the battle over, I'll judge your teams based on how covered in paint you are. Now _MOVE_!"

The campers quickley complied, the Screaming Beavers headed east, the Killer Trout headed west.

* * *

**Confessional Cam - This is a call to arms!**

**Quincey**: (he smirks, adjusting his glasses) This is going to be interesting...

**Victor**: (he smirks and rubs his hands together) Zis will be zeh perfect opportunity to knock Donny down a couple of pegs. Let's see how much zeh ladies like him after I paint his face red!

**Trucy**: It's a shame Kelly and Shane are on my team. I wonder if there's a penalty for friendly fire...

**Rika**: I LUV YOU CHEFFY BABY!

**To Be Continued...**

**

* * *

**The teams have been divided, the campers have settled, and the first challenge has been explained! Next chapter, the teams talk strategy, and the shootout begins!

Later!

-XXTheCakeIsALieXX


	3. Wawanakwa at War

**Total Chef Island  
**

**Summary**: Chef takes over Camp Wawanakwa and hosts his own reality show! Day one: the campers arrive, and Wawanakwa goes to war!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Camp Wawanakwa or Chef Hatchet. I do own all 22 original characters that will be featured in this story, and anyone who uses them without my permission will suffer a fate more horrible then death, by which I mean Chef's cooking! Mwah ha ha!

The time has come! Who will go home a war hero, and who will fall in the line of duty? Let's find out!

* * *

**Total Chef Island**

**Chapter 3: Wawanakwa at War**

**Inside the Screaming Beaver base...**

The Screaming Beaver base was nothing fancy. Just a simple one room brick building. In the center was a large cardboard box. The teens opened it and found eleven red paintball guns, helmets, and goggles.

"So," Kelly said as she strapped her helmet on. "Which one of you idiots has a plan?"

Most of the other Beavers exchanged glances.

"Let's put it this way," Shane said. "Does anyone have any experience playing war video games like _Call of Duty _or _Rainbow Six_?"

More glances were exchanged. Shane sighed. "Well, looks like once again it's up to Shane to save the day. Okay, here's what we should do; there are eleven of us. I think six of us should form two groups of three, while the other five go off on their own."

"Why do you say that?" Kayla asked. She was fiddling with her helmet, and noticed something. "Hey, there's a radio transmitter on my helmet strap."

The others checked their helmets. They each had transmitters on their straps as well.

"Perfect," Shane said with a smile. "Now we have a way to communicate with each other. And to answer your question, the groups of three can take on the other team head-on, while the other five can be sneakier, performing more covert operations."

"Makes sense to Rolf," Rolf said with a shrug. His other teammates voiced their agreements.

"So what were the groups you had in mind, General Shane?" Rusty asked.

The asshole chuckled. "General Shane. I like the sound of that. Hehe," he looked around at his teammates. "Hmm, I was thinking that Cera, Trucy, Casey, Rolf, and Kayla should be out on their own. Mikey and Victor, you guys are with me. Kelly, you're with Rusty and Rika."

"What?!" Kelly screeched. "You expect me to work with Tweedledum and Tweedledumber over there?" She jerked a thumb over her shoulder, pointing to Rika and Rusty, who were playing with their radios.

"Ksssh," Rusty imitated radio static, pretending to switch on his radio. "Rusty to Rika, Rusty to Rika. Do you read me, over?"

"Ksssh," Rika also imitated static, pretending to switch on her radio. "Rika to Rusty, I read you. Over."

"Ksssh. Rusty to Rika. I like going 'ksssh'."

"Ksssh. Rika to Rusty. Ksssh. Me too!"

"Ksssh!"

"Ksssh!"

"Ksssh!"

"Ksssh!"

"Ksssh!"

"Ksssh!"

"Look," Shane whispered to Kelly, low enough so that the others couldn't hear. "Those two are idiots. Use the right words, and they'll do whatever you say. It's the same with Victor and Mikey for me. And if worse comes to worse, just use them as human shields."

Kelly looked back at the fangirl and redneck, who were still imitating static. She sighed. "Fine."

* * *

**Confessional Cam - Ksssh! Hey, it _is _fun!**

**Kelly**: Hmm, this may be a blessing in disguise. If I play my cards right, I could wrap those two around my finger.

**Rika and Rusty - Rusty**: Ksssh!

**Rika**: Ksssh!

**Rusty**: Ksssh!

**Rika**: Ksssh!

* * *

**Inside the Killer Trout base...**

"So, anyone got a plan?" Xavier asked, trying to put his goggles on in a way that they wouldn't lay awkwardly on his mask.

"I think pairing up into groups of two would be best," Quincey said, strapping on his helmet. "Enough people so that we won't be overwhelmed by a large group or a lone gunman."

"That could work," Donny said.

"I wanna go with Donny!" All of the girls said at once.

"I wanna go with Charlotte!" All of the guys except Quincey said. The survivalist face-palmed.

"No," he said firmly. "We can't risk a member of the opposite sex getting distracted by Donny or Charlotte."

"Unless they're on the other team," Indiana pointed out.

"So what did you have in mind?" Eric asked Quincey.

"I was thinking that the pairs should be Frankie and Faith, Donny and Xavier, Morgan and Charlotte, Indiana and Eric, and Christine and Jay."

The campers glanced at their suggested partners. "I'm okay with that," Christine said with a shrug. The others agreed.

"Wait, what are you going to do?" Xavier asked Quincey. The survivalist smirked and dramatically ripped off his hunting jacket, revealing a cameo vest and his slightly muscular arms.

"I'm gonna kick some Beaver ass," he said, cocking his gun.

* * *

**Confessional Cam - Don't you mean "Beaver tail"?**

**Morgan**: (she grins at the camera, black lines painted just below her eyes) Do you know what today is? (she reaches behind her back and pulls out a paintball gun, aiming it at the camera) A bad day to be a Beaver!

**Jay**: (he is admiring his paintball gun) This thing's pretty badass. (he aims at the wall and pulls the trigger, but nothing happens. He looks confused, then pulls the trigger again. Again, nothing happens) Huh, it's not firing. (he points the gun at himself and looks down the barrel) Maybe if I put it close to my eye and look down the barrel... (he pulls the trigger again)

**Splat!**

YEOW!!

* * *

Chef sat in his private trailer on the other side of the island. In front of him are a ton of monitors, each coming from a different camera in the Battlegrounds. He picked up a microphone and flipped the "On" switch.

"Campers," he said into the mic. His voice boomed out from speakers set up all over the island. "You have one hour to kick each other's asses! And that hour begins... NOW!"

The campers all rushed out of thier base buildings, armed and ready.

* * *

**With Rika, Rusty, and Kelly...**

Rusty ducked behind a tin trash can. He peeked over the top, looking for enemies. He saw none. He rolled across the cement over to behind an old car. He slowly looked out from behind it, once again scanning the area for enemies. The redneck jumped over the car and dove behind a brick wall.

As this happened, Kelly and Rika strolled past the trash can, car, and brick wall. They looked at Rusty as though he were crazy.

"What _are _you doing?" Kelly asked, arching a thin eyebrow. Rusty shrugged.

"I dunno," he said, peeking up from behind the wall. "This is what they do in all those war movies I've seen."

"That is..." Kelly was about to make her usual rude comment, but stopped herself. If she was going to earn Rusty and Rika's trust, she was going to have to be... Nice. She groaned. Just thinking of that word made her nauseous (Or maybe that's just Chef's cooking, she thought). Nevertheless, kept her lunch down and forced a smile. "Really cool."

Now it was Kelly's turn to be stared at as though she were crazy. Well, by Rika, anyways. Rusty looked excited. "Seriously?" Rika asked, skeptical.

"_Y'all _think _I'm _cool?" Rusty asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Well, y-yeah," Kelly said, speaking like each word required a great deal of strength. "You're-"

**Splat!**

Rika and Rusty cried out as a paintball hit Kelly in the stomach, knocking her to the ground. They turned in the direction the shot had come from, and several more paintballs whizzed past them.

"TAKE COVER!" Rika screamed, diving behind a dumpster. Rusty grabbed Kelly's hand and pulled her behind a car, nearly getting hit in the process. Rusty peaked over the car, and saw Jay and Christine shooting at them from the top of a nearby roof. Jay focused his fire on the dumpster while Christine shot at the car.

"_Evil minds that plot destruction,_" Jay sand with a grin as he shot at Rika's hiding place.

"_Sorcerers of death's construction_!" Christine sang the next part with an equally large grin. "_In the fields the bodies burning..._"

"_As the war machines keep turning_!" **(1) **they chimed together.

"What the hell are they singing?" Kelly asked, holding her hand to her stomach.

"Got me," Rusty said with a shrug, blind-firing from behind the car. He noticed Kelly clutching her stomach and looked concerned. "Hey, are y'all okay?"

"Do I _look _okay?" she snapped, then winced in pain. "Dammit, that hurt!" A tear rolled down her face, and Rusty's concern turned to anger.

"You stay here," Rusty told her, putting a hand on her shoulder for comfort. He then picked up her gun, a determined look on his zit-plagued face. "I'll handle this."

With a war cry, Rusty jumped out from his hiding place, guns a-blazin'. Kelly listened to Christine and Jay's screams of surprise and rapid gunfire, and smirked.

* * *

**Confessional Cam - _No more war pigs of the power... Hand of God has struck the hour_!**

**Kelly**: (she smirks and chuckles) The old damsel in distress routine. Works every time. I'll have the redneck moron under my control in no time.

**Rika**: OMG, that was _so _brave what Rusty did for Kelly, even though she's mean to us! I once had a dream that I was a princess captured by an evil wizard, and Chef Hatchet was a knight in shining armor that killed the wizard and set me free. (she blushes slightly and swoons) And then he-

**(We're sorry, but do to the fact that this story is rated T, we're not going to broadcast the rest of Rika's story. We _will _say this... The girl is into some kinky stuff. Seriously.)**

**Rusty**: My daddy and grandaddy always taught me to come to the aid of a lady whenever she's in trouble. That's what a man does. (he grins) And really think I done proved my manliness today! (he puffs out his chest and flexes his non-existent muscles)

**Christine**: (she has a welt on her forehead. She touches it and hisses in pain) That Rusty has good aim...

* * *

**With Trucy...**

**Splay splat splat splat!**

Trucy serpentined as paintballs flew past her, splattering on the buildings and cars. Behind her, Indiana and Eric chased after her, firing every couple of seconds.

"You can run, but you can't hide!" Eric taunted, firing three more shots at her. The magician turned into an alley between two buildings - big mistake. It was a dead end. The magician turned around and saw Indiana and Eric pointing their weapons at her.

"Nowhere to run," Indiana said with a grin. He and his brother cocked their guns. "Where's your magic now?"

Much to their surprise, Trucy smirked. "Right here," she said, grabbing the rim of her cape and throwing it over her, as if to shield her. The twins didn't know what she was doing, but didn't take a chance. They both opened fire, and the paintballs hit her cape, smacking it up against the wall. It fell to the ground seconds later. Startled, they ran over to where Trucy's discarded cape lie, the magician herself nowhere to be found.

"Dammit!" Eric cursed, stomping on the cape. "How the hell did she do that?!"

"I think I have an idea," Indiana said, pointing to a hole in the wall near the ground, behind where Trucy was standing. It was small, but large enough to allow a crouching human to fit through.

"Well, what are we waiting for?!" Eric ducked down and started to climb through.

The twins crawled through the hole, into the building. It was empty and barren, much like bases for both teams. The twins started to wonder if all the buildings were like this on the inside. They also wondered where Trcuy was - the magician was nowhere to be seen.

"Now where is she?" Eric asked, looking irritated.

"She couldn't have gone far," Indiana said, looking around. "Look for another hole in the building, maybe she-"

"Yoohoo!" three sweet voices said from above.

Indiana and Eric looked up - and were pelted buy a storm of paintballs. From the rafters, Trucy, and a waiting Kayla and Casey cackled as they shot at the two Trout boys, who were running around, frantically looking for a place to hide. In the confusion, Eric frantically shot at the girls. Each of his shots missed their intended target, but hit something else.

A green blur fell from the ceiling, hitting the cement with a 'thud'. All three looked over to see a green Wawanakwa Typewriter lying on the ground. Indiana, the closest to the weapon, made a mad dash for it, picked it up and turned to shoot at Trucy, Kayla, and Casey. They shrieked and dashed across the rafter, both of them jumping out of a glass window. They landed on the roof of another building, panting heavily.

"Well, that backfired a little bit," Kayla said, trying to catch her breath. Trucy adn Casey nodded in agreement.

* * *

**With Shane, Mikey, and Victor...**

"No vay," Victor said to Shane, glaring at the boy with the pink mohawk.

"Oh yes way!" Shane shot back, glaring at the beefcake. "It's one of the laws of nature itself!"

"Is not! Even if it vas, it vould still be wrong!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yuh-huh!"

"Nu-uh!

"Yuh-huh!"

"Okay, this could go one forever! There's only one way to settle this!" Shane looked ahead at Mikey, who was walking ahead of the two of them. "Mikey, tell Rambo here that in a fight between Samus Aran and and Master Chief, Samus would totally win!"

"Bullcrap!" Victor snapped, smacking Shane upside the head. "Master Chief vould kick her as all across zeh galaxy! Tell him, Mikey!"

"You're both wrong," Mikey said, confusing them both. "Everyone knows that in a fight between the Cheif and Samus, Chuck Norris would win."

The two stopped and stared at the prankster like he had two heads. "Where did _Chuck Norris _come from?" Shane demanded, crossing his arms.

"Hey, you wanted to know who would win," Mikey replied with a nonchalant shrug. "So I told you."

"But Chuck Norris vasn't even in zat fight!" Victor protested. "How can he-"

**Splat splat splat!**

"Gah!" the trio screamed, nearly being hit by paintballs. They turned to see Charlotte, aiming at them from near a car. They fired at her, but she sidestepped and all three shots missed. In the process of dodging the red paint packets, she dropped her gun.

"Whoops!" she squealed, bending down to pick up her weapon. Most people would have taken this opportunity and shot her down. But at the moment, Charlotte was bending down in a certain way, giving the three Beaver boys a _very _good view of her... Uh, assets. Shane, Rusty and Victor stared, drool leaking out of the corners of their mouths. They didn't see Charlotte reached up, turn on her radio, and whisper "Now!"

**Splat splat splat splat splat splat splat!**

The trio were pelted by a flurry of green paint. Morgan, Xavier, and Donny had popped up from inside the car and opened fire on them with two Wawanakwa Typewriters and a paint shotgun. The Beavers screamed and ran, Mikey and Victor dropping their guns in the process. The four trout laughed triumphantly, high-fiving each other.

* * *

**Confessional Cam - The curse of male hormones.  
**

**Charlotte**: (giggles and winks at the camera) _Way _too easy.

**Morgan**: I don't exactly approve of Charlotte's tactics... (she shruggs) But, what can I say? They get the job done.

**Donny**: Maybe I should try something like that on the ladies...

* * *

Shane, Victor, and Mikey stopped to catch their breath. They were covered with paint and welts were already starting to form on their exposed skin.

"Everyone okay?" Mikey asked, his hands on his knees. "Damn, a fat kid shouldn't have to run like that."

"I think so," Victor said, trying to get paint out of his hair. "Dropped my gun, zough."

"Yeah, me too."

"Oh, _perfect_," Shane groaned, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "Just frickin' perfect! You know, if you two hadn't have been ogling Charlotte-"

"Hey, don't try and pin this all on us!" Mikey interrupted, glaring at the asshole.

"You vere doing just as much ogling as us," Victor added.

"Yeah?! Well..." Shane tried to think of a comeback, but Mickey and Victor had him. He sighed, then smirked a perverse smirk. "She _did _have a sweet ass, though."

"Oh yeah," Mikey grinned an equally perverted grin.

"No doubt about zat," Victor grinned, his far more perverse then Shane and Mikey's.

**Splat!**

A paintball hit Victor square in the forehead, knocking him down. Mikey and Shane screamed.

"What the-" Mikey began.

**Splat!**

Another paintball hit Mikey in the gut, knocking him back. Panicking, Shane looked around frantically for the gunman...

**Splat!**

And a third paintball hit him in the chest, knocking him on his butt.

"Where are the shots coming from?" Mikey asked, climbing to his feet.

**Splat!**

The prankster was hit by another paintball, knocking him down again.

"Mommy!" Victor sobbed, running around in circles.

**Splat!**

This paintball caught him in the back of the leg. "Gah!" he fell to the ground. "Charlie horse!"

"RUN!" Shane screamed, a paintball skimming the top of his mohawk. The asshole ran down the street, while Mikey and Victor ran (Well, Mikey ran. Victor crawled) to a nearby car.

On a nearby rooftop, Quincey watched this through the scope of a paint rifle, a thin wire tied around his finger. "That's it..." he said, grinning as Mikey and Victor climbed into the car. He gave the wire a sharp tug.

"What the...?" Mikey and Victor asked, staring at what was inside the car. The car was filled with green paint grenades. At that moment, a nearly invisible wire that was tied to each of the grenades went taught, pulling the pins out of them all. Their eyes went wide. "OH SHI-"

**Boom!**

Quincey grinned wider as he watched the car gave a slight jump, green paint flying out of it's windows.

* * *

**With Cera...**

Cera dove behind a garbage can, nearly being hit by Frankie and Faith's paintballs. Catching her breath, she aimed over the can and shot back at the two Trout girls. They ducked down behind a car, and Cera started to reload.

"Hello!" a voice said next to Cera said cheerfully, startling the loner. She looked to her left to see a certain foreign kid smiling at her.

"Rolf?" she asked. She frowned. "Rolf, go away." a paintball whizzed past her head, and the two gave a yelp and ducked down. "I don't need your help!"

"Not from Rolf's point of view!" Rolf replied, noting the paint splotches on her clothes. He peaked over the garbage can to assess the situation, the ducked back down. "Rolf believes that a uh... How do you say... Kamikira attack would be best."

"You mean 'Kamikazi', Rolf," Cera blind-fired over the can. "And in this situation, that's about the _worst _thing you could do!"

"Let's go!" Rolf said, not paying attention to Cera. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of their hiding place into the hail of green paintballs. He took aim and screamed, "Rolf will squash you like the ticks on my nana's back hair!"

Frankie and Faith briefly stopped shooting to give each other confused looks. "What did he just say?" Faith asked, arching an eyebrow.

The two were hit by paintballs and turned to shoot at Cera and Rolf.

* * *

**Confessional Cam - Rolf's words confuse us greatly.**

**Cera**: (she wipes green paint off her face, frowning) Thanks a lot, Rolf. _Really_!

**Rolf**: (shrugs) Rolf watched a lot of American movies when he moved to this country. And in all the war movies Rolf's seen, the soldiers always start a battle by charging in head-first. (he thinks about this, then realizes something) Of course, now that Rolf thinks about it, they _were _always the first to die...

**Frankie**: (still looks confused) Seriously, what the hell did Rolf say?

* * *

**With Shane...**

Shane stopped and propped himself up against a rusty bus. Panting heavily, he flicked his radio on. "Screaming Beavers, status report."

* * *

"We've got our hands full with Christine and Jay!" Kelly screamed into her radio, hiding behind a dumpster. Out in the open, Rusty and Rika were shooting at the machine buff and stoner.

* * *

"Trucy, Casey and I are a little busy!" Kayla said, the magician and rockstar frantically running from Indiana and Eric (well, Indiana mostly, since he had the Wawanakwa Typewriter).

* * *

"We're _fine_!" Mikey snapped, he and Victor pulling themselves out of the now-green car. He and the beefcake were nearly covered in paint. "No thanks to _you_!"

**Splat!**

A paintball hit Victor in the chest. Mikey groaned. "Not again!"

* * *

"We're not doing so hot," Cera groaned from behind a car, glaring at Rolf, who chuckled sheepishly. "Thanks to _someone_!"

* * *

Back at the bus, Shane groaned. "Okay, give me a minute," he climbed aboard the bus to think. "I'll think of a... Plan..." he trailed off when he saw what was inside the bus. His jaw dropped, and he flicked his radio back on.

"Guys, I've got that plan," he said, not taking his eyes off the contents of the bus. "See if you can get away from whoever's chasing you," his lips curled into an evil grin. "But make sure they follow you. Hehehe..."

**To Be Continued...**

**

* * *

**

**(1) **That song is "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath. Kickass song.

The third chapter is complete! Looks like the Screaming Beavers are seriously sucking! Next chapter, will find out if they can make a comeback, and the first camper will be kicked off!

See you next time!

-XXTheCakeIsALieXX


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